Saturday, November 27, 2004

Stepping up

Some impertinent foll dares asks what I think of this? Let me explain. There is only one way I can finally come out of my Daddy's shadow and assume the post of President of our beloved Democratic People's Republic. I have to die. Some argue I've looked dead for years...but my impression didn't take. It was obvious what the next step had to be. I had to die. So now I'm President and my Daddy can finally rest in peace. Just as well. He didn't look too good in uniform or at those Cabinet meetings. And boy did he smell.

In conclusion: I'm dead*, long live me.

* I'm not really dead. I'm just pretending. Everyone so seems to enjoy playing my games, just as they so enjoy my jokes. I'm so gifted it's scary.

Thursday, November 25, 2004


What do they mean "North Korea" style elections in the Ukraine? What's with the scare quotes? My elections are always honest. My people love me. They love me too much. Even the PLA love me.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

He even looks like me

Hey, what gives? This kind of thing is my schtick...well, it was.

Big pictures of yourself everywhere is soooooooo last year.

What is it with people?

I fucking hate being a dictator. I said to my defence minister over some kimchi that I had wanted to get rid of the gas problem I've been having, and it turns into this. Good help is so hard to find.

Another thing. In these modern times it is necessary even for as beloved a leader as myself to maintain certain security precautions. A key one is having decoys: fine men have been deliberately altered to pretend to be me. Obviously they will never be quite like the perfection that I represent, but they can be passable. Judge for yourself. It's good to know there are still brave men prepared to take a bullet or two for me.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Am I Screwing With Your Mind?


Monday, November 22, 2004

I don't understand you

You think flattery is something new for me? Nominating me for awards means nothing to me. I have absolutely no doubt you damn imperialists will manipulate the results so I do not win, even though I won my last election with 100.2% of the vote...and that was before we counted the overseas ballots. The only pregnany chads that time was after a nasty incident at one poll both where a typographical error resulted in the sign reading porn booth. Highest turnout in the country.

At least your country is following in our steps: now you are having your riots at sports stadiums, just like us!

Finally proof that George W. is just a big fat bully. Now can you understand why I need nukes?

Problem solved

My pictures are back up. As punishment I got the idiot that pulled them down to put them all up using superglue this time. The only way they're coming off is if they tear the building down.