Friday, November 12, 2004

Strange noises

I met Yasser Arafat once. I know they say not to speak ill of the dead, but he's dead and can't do anything about it now.

We sat down and started with the usual chit-chat. Bombs, money, bombs, dirty Americans and a few rude jokes. Then he started pawing at the gold goblets and even though he thought I didn't notice, he swiped the silver cutlery. No one else noticed, because he and his flunkeys were using their fingers and eating like, well, Arabs. He is a very tactile person - he wanted to hold my hand all the time, which I didn't like at all. He didn't even wash his hands after using the bathroom (don't ask how I know. This is North Korea. I know.)

He was very worried about his security, if the constant closeness with which he held on to his bodyguard was any guide. It was just as well, because while everyone was sleeping my guards heard some strangle strangling noises and groans coming from the room he was staying in. Thank God he had that bodyguard, because we burst in to find the guard covering Arafat completely. The guard was so alert he hadn't even had time to put any clothes on! I told my guards they could learn from this dedication to service.
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4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

He has a song now. It's called the

--Yasser Arafat Funeral Dirge--
(sung to the tune of "YMCA")

Young men!
If you're feeling alone, we need young men!
To keep our leader cool, there's a place where!
You'll never be alone
In the love nest of Ramallah...
Young men!
Come and join in the fun in Ramallah!
There's a party, get down and praise *****!
There are no girls around
where the faithful get a mouthful...

Why don't you go to the
AU-THO-RI-TY!
The Palestinian AU-THO-RI-TY!
They have everything
For our leader's boys
Just as long you are his toys!

Why don't you go to the
AU-THO-RI-TY!
The Palestinian AU-THO-RI-TY!
He's not looking too well!
But his party is swell!
Better pray he won't go to hell...

Young man!
I was once in your band
I thought I did! not belong in this land
I thought no one! could love someone like me
It was tough to be an Arab
That's when, someone walked up to me
and said young man! There's a place down the street
At the PA! You can join in the gang
And you'll never be unhappy...

Why don't you go to the
AU-THO-RI-TY!
The Palestinian AU-THO-RI-TY!
They have everything
For our leader's boys
Don't you know that you are his choice!

Why don't you go to the
AU-THO-RI-TY!
The Palestinian AU-THO-RI-TY!
Soon he'll be on his way!
To be lying in state!
But he'll always be good to you!
Why don't you go to the
AU-THO-RI-TY!
The Palestinian AU-THO-RI-TY...
---------

November 13, 2004 at 2:10 AM  
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