Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Krauts ruined my lunch


I was busy munching down some delicious grass when I almost spat the soil across the table when I read this junk about "opposition" to my rule. I am an open and tolerant ruler. People may disagree slightly with my broad intellect. But all this talk of anti-me slogans on trains? Famines? Coups? Fucking Germans. Think they know everything. I know these things are not true, because I never once went hungary and I rode a train and all it had on it was what a great person I am, which is completely true.

They talk about my "ten palaces, complete with golf courses, stables and movie theaters. His garages are filled with luxury cars. The CIA estimates the family's wealth at four billion dollars, part of which is deposited in Swiss bank accounts....In the 1980s, he launched the "Project to Guarantee the Longevity of the Great and the Dear Leader." What this means, specifically, is that about 2,000 young women serve the leadership in "satisfaction teams" (sexual service) and "happiness teams" (massage)." What am I meant to do? Starve? Walk everywhere? Slept out in the wild? Not have jiggy-jig?

At least my friends in Uganda have their heads screwed on right. Damn right I've got the right to self-defence. Otherwise the Americans might put the flipping Germans in charge. After all, they've got plenty of experience in putting split countries together again, haven't they? And it all worked out so well for them.

Damn it, now I've got to go and find some more grass to eat.


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